


deception and perfection are wonderful traits

by newsagogo



Category: Danger Days: The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys - My Chemical Romance (Album), The True Lives of the Fabulous Killjoys: California (Comics)
Genre: Divorced Tommydee, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Gen, I will make that a tag, MLM/WLW Hostility, The Fabulous Killjoys (Danger Days) Are Not MCR, its hot chimp and party poison, zones clownery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-24
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:30:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29683311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newsagogo/pseuds/newsagogo
Summary: Did you hear? The zones are buzzing with the news that Jet Star isn't single anymore. Who is he dating? Well, you'll never guess who.
Relationships: Jet Star & NewsAGoGo (Danger Days), Jet Star & Party Poison (Danger Days)
Comments: 13
Kudos: 19





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> im going to do nothing but loop the electra heart album as i do this. i think this is partially be considered for aro week except im a little late and probably won't finish before it ends.   
> listen we've all heard of fake dating but what if. what if it doesn't go friends to lovers huh?   
> server of colour my beloveds this is for you

Jet Star wouldn’t say he’s the easiest person to talk with. Talk to? Absolutely. Hold a conversation? Eh, judgements out on that. So he gets it. He  _ really _ does. He doesn’t always communicate well! He didn’t mean for that undergrad to take his “Are you mad? Really?” look as “Yes of course I'm dating Party Poison”, honestly.

However he does love any and all sources of drama, so when he first hears the rumour going round, he doesn’t stop it. What can he say, you gotta take your fun where you can get it out here sometimes. Some people go set fire to Drac posts, some people accidentally construct an elaborate lie involving a friend. It happens! Could happen to  _ anyone _ .

Party Poison, of course, loves to be the centre of attention. So when they hear about it, and come to Jet Star insisting that the two of them stick to it, Jet’s already on board. He’s already told Gogo (who of course thinks this’ll be the funniest thing to happen in months) so really, all they need to do is lean into the mistake and just… see how far they can take it. Poison’s usually aiming to be the talk of the Zones, and Jet is known by most everybody out here, so at the very least news will travel alarmingly fast.

They won’t tell the others, since it should be obvious. Besides, Kobra loves backing up any of the lies the others tell.

‘Course, this was before it all went out of control.

* * *

“Alright Zonerats, It’s NewsAGoGo here with the news I  _ know _ you’ve all been desperate for. Unfortunately for you, it’s no longer  _ our _ beloved Jet Star - still my beloved Jet Star though, losers. She’s steady with Party Poison, who of course is going to treat her  _ very  _ well or find out what a bat to the teeth feels like! Jet, darling, drop by soon and tell me  _ all _ about it! Anyways, I’m skipping the other announcements for now to open the lines, come congratulate my bestie! First caller-”

NewsAGoGo, self-proclaimed expert of bad ideas and well-known enabler, is going to keep this going as  _ long as possible _ . Truly, Jet and them being best friends is the best thing to happen in the Zones, otherwise there wouldn't be fun drama like this. It can't always be shootouts and crashtracks! Sometimes you need a little gossip to go spiralling for no reason!! 

* * *

Fun Ghoul knows he isn’t the most observant people-wise, really. It's easier to talk with people here than it was in The City - less burying your words needed. He’s good with people, they like him, he likes being liked. He’s not so good at spotting links between people, but he thinks he’d know if his crewmates were dating, yeah? Even if it's only recent, right?

Apparently not!

The weirdest thing? He’s not sure when they started. Can’t think of any point they started being closer than normal. Sure, Poison hangs about with Jet a lot, but to be fair Jet  _ is _ zoneborn and knows her (Kobra told him its her today) way around the zones much better and Kobra is too ready to lie to Poison just for fun. Jet hugs Poison a lot, but Jet’s also really affectionate in general? And, like, Jet always drops kisses on people before she goes anywhere, but maybe she does so more to Poison? Ghoul doesn’t know, really. He can’t think of anything that makes Jet and Poison closer than him and Kobra a-

Wait. wait…

The Kobra Kid is currently sat with their (today) legs swung over Ghouls chest. He thinks they’re close. He knows they’re friends. Some of the sandbrats who swarm over Kobra call him uncle Ghoul now (some of them call him auntie! He's never been an aunt or uncle before. It's cool) so he’s  _ pretty _ confident him and Kobra are good friends

“Hey. Kobra?”

He gets a hum in response. Ghoul needs more than that, so he starts shaking one of the legs currently propped on his chest. Kobra sighs. Success! 

“Yeah Ghoulie?” He really needs to know.

“You’d tell me if we were dating, right?”

Kobes just kinda looks at him. That’s alright though, Ghoul can be patient. They push their sunglasses up.

“Hm,” They lean back on their arms slightly, “Would I?” 

A good fucking point, actually. Ghoul lets his head thunk back down onto the ground. Kobra is enough of a bastard not to tell him, but also Kobra knows a bunch of shit in general about people, so Ghoul figures even if they were Kobra would probably maybe tell him if it was important. He thinks. Maybe. He goes back to unlacing and relacing one of the boots still leant on him. Kobra will definitely not tell him when Jet and Poison became Jet-and-Poison, because Kobra is a cunt who likes causing problems and knowing things. That’s alright though.

Ghoul can definitely support Party Poison! Jet Star has NewsAGogo, who's cool and absolutely terrifying, so Poison can have him! He’ll help keep some of the nosier runners away from pestering them too much. His mind is made up. Kobra twists around slightly to lean their side onto where Ghoul has his own legs propped up. 

...Maybe he can get Girlie to help him figure out how long this has been happening?

* * *

"For all you bitch-bots, we're turning up the atomic in the speakers right after this. Try not to shift into overdrive after this news, bombshells, 'cause it seems Jet Star's off market. Sad for all you into them, I guess. Shocker of shock, it's Party Poison who's… well they  _ definitely _ don't have the arm strength to sweep them off their feet, but I'm sure an attempt was made. Coming at you in the AM-"

  
  


Hot Chimp loves Jet Star, really, she does. But talk about shit taste.

* * *

The Kobra Kid, well known for shit memory of names and faces and an incredibly accurate knowledge of any and all Zones gossip, thinks this whole situation just keeps getting better. Sure, Poison hasn’t told them it's fake and neither has Jet, but Kobra Kid knows that if Jet got in a relationship the first people to be told would be GoGo, maybe Cherri, and them. Plus, it’s  _ The _ Jet Star. If they were actually a Thing Poison would’ve been the first to tell the Zones, not Jet. 

Kobra Kid does also love lying for no real reason and making things confusing, so they’re (actually. Him for now)- so He is going to double down on whatever the newly dubbed Jet-and-Poison say, and help keep this going until whenever they’ve had enough. Can always do with some fun high stakes but really low stakes events in the zones.

Personally, he can’t wait to hear the rest of the DJs and the, uh, Jet admirers react to the current events.

For now, though, he’s got to keep an eye on someone a little less careful than himself _and_ also keep an eye on the Girl. The Girl in question is currently drawing something as she lies across Ghoul’s back. That’s one way to keep an eye on him. When Kobra moves over to see what she’s drawn (and to check the batteries tied round her boots - it’s a little weird to tie them around a kid to lessen her chance of shocking you when you pick her up, but he’s looked after kids with weirder powers. He’s not sure the others realise it isn’t that normal.) and she looks up at him. She’s got her Questions face on. On the back of an old Wizard Needs Food poster, she’s done a pretty good scribble of Jet Star and Party Poison.

“Kobe!” Oh, he is very weak to her when she’s that wide-eyed. He hums in response, and she grins back and tries to hum like him. Above them, the light flickers.

She points at her drawing. “They love each other?”

“Yep.” There’s no real reason to lie to her. She keeps looking up at him, then scrunches up her face and very decisively draws a heart next to the two figures holding hands on the paper.

Kobra guesses that’s the end of that talk. Party Poison is definitely going to start crying when she shows them her drawing. Battery rebels always cry when it comes to anything a zone kid does.

  
  
  


* * *

  
  


"-Uh and the next one sent in. This one is from, uh, I think it says Ju-something. I can see the word 'Bug' at least. So let's say it's Jay-bug. This one's looking glossy, for sure. Says the title's Roam Ants? That's… a choice. And-

Okay, no, I'm not reading this shit I can  _ read _ it says Jet Star and this isn't an Ode To Jet Star Segment can you  _ please _ send stuff that isn't just y'all being sad that Jet's for sure out of your league for  _ fucks sa- _ "

  
  


Cherri Cola will not admit to being annoyed he didn’t find out from Jet Star directly, not at all. In fact he’s not even mad! Angry? Not him. Nope.

But honestly,  _ Party Poison??  _ This is definitely going to reignite whatever feud Hot Chimp and Poison got going on, he just knows it. The two of them delight being the talk of the zones, and she’s not gonna like the spotlight being taken from her.

...What the fuck kinda bug is Roam Ants, though?

* * *

The atmosphere is heavy at the Throttle Bar tonight.

"I just can't believe  _ Jet Star _ isn't single anymore! I didn't even get a  _ chance _ ." mourns one of many crowded around a table. The sentiment is echoed around the room.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them-"

"Debatable."

"-fuck off, I  _ am _ . But DESTROYA knows I woulda liked to ask them for a drink."

"... aren't you a lesbian?"

"Yeah, and? Your point?"

A brief silence falls as everyone comes to terms that  _ The  _ Jet Star, beloved of the Zones, is actually dating-

"Yanno, Party Poison's not half bad."

The atmosphere is instantly lifted to a more incredulous one. The general masses of the Zones are usually Jet Star enthusiasts - something unknown to the Zone Rat in question, who only thinks people tend towards kindness with him because they've all got some sort of link to him from a friend of a friend of a family member.

The speaker clearly notices the change.

"Not like that, not like that!! I just mean… well… I kinda see it? Handsome in a 'I would lend them my own blanket' way."

There's a lull as everyone contemplates this assessment.

"...I think they're more of a cute in the same way bats are?"

"So they have rabies?"

"No???"

"-t's like conditional hotness, I think."

From another table, "Who's got rabies??"

"Witch, do you think they're open?"

"You've met Party Poison, what do  _ you _ think."

Jet Star may have two hands, but everyone agrees Party Poison is probably holding both. Lucky bastard.

  
  
  
  


Poison is honestly surprised at how easy this whole fake-dating stuff is. Barely had to change shit, actually. Them and Jet hang out plenty anyways, but it turns out if you just hold hands everyone’ll assume it’s a date anyways? Even when they try bring their bastard of a baby sibling and Ghoul with ‘em, the two eventually leave - to… gossip to other people? Poison isn’t sure how much the two of ‘em know about this situation. Kobra definitely knows, but Fun Ghoul? Poison barely knows what goes on in his head anyways, but they guess as long as the end results the same it’s probably fine. They keep an eye on Ghoul anyways - city graduate solidarity and all. He seems pretty into shutting down half the rude-but-actually-rude remarks people make about them, which is sweet. Ghoul and Kobra are looking after girlie right now, which means the two of them can go out and have a little more fun with this lie.

Dates, anyways. Easy to fake. Affection? Being from the City means Poison loves most contact and Jet, dustbug that Jet is (it’s a name day today), loves giving it! So that parts super easy, the two of them half in each others personal space as per usual. They call Jet Star “Dear Jet” anyways and Jet’s usually called them “Babe” and this is, apparently, romance if the gasp of the last stranger to hear them is to be believed. The two of them might up the frequency of it, but it’s fun. Easy way to remind each other they care, plus it makes literally everyone else around them more convinced the two of them are dating.

Plus, even their Girlie seemed to notice, and gave them a very nice drawing that they definitely didn’t cry over, fuck off Kobes. It’s very sweet, though they don’t think she has any idea what the rest of them are talking about. Jet’s keeping the drawing at NewsAGoGo’s (who very politely and scarily told them that even though the two are fake-dating they can’t call them Gogo) where it’ll be less likely to be torn up. Girlie is clearly an artist in the making, and Jet thinks for sure she'll be learning to tag the second she's big enough to hold a spray can. Poison thinks that she's gonna be unstoppable with a paintbrush but, hey, out here she can have options! 

... maybe they can bring their girl on one of the outings to Tommy's. That old man definitely has a soft spot for The Girl - it's enough to make him forget Poison is… currently banned? (Maybe? It's possible the number of bans have cancelled out now) and they can get her some cheap paints. 

* * *

"Hear there's been some shocking news for you tumbleweeds, recently. How 'bout you get out while it's gettin' good and wheel yourselves down to the Zone Four tracks? There's just the thing to cheer you up! The Love You Long Times are opening for Mad Gear and the Missile Kid tomorrow night, and -"

The Zones hasn't had a relationship shock of this size since him and Tommy cut the knot all those years back. Frankly, Doctor Death-defying was starting to worry these kids  _ didn't _ know how to gas up any personal developments. The distraught yelling he heard earlier proves otherwise. He can feel a crew down in One gearing up to do something reckless, and grins while he narrates it.

Dearest Tommy is going to  _ love _ this when he tells him over drinks tonight. He'll probably find a way to spin it into a sale too, the asshole. Funniest shit he's had to announce in months, and he bets it'll just get better from here. Ah, young love. Always good to see it grow even with all the memorials he finds himself announcing.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The news swings out into the wider zones, Jet Star and Party Poison are spotted on a date, Newsagogo encourages people to annoy their brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so fun fact i accidentally deleted this like, twice fully before i posted it bc sometimes i really am just a clown.  
> anyways. miscommunication, sort of, but sort of funny. jet stars claim to fame rn is not telling a Single lie, actually

Picture this. There’s a concert on at the Zone Four tracks, and you had enough luck to get there without any permanence issues from passing through Three, yeah? You aren’t really a die-hard Mad Gear fan, and you haven’t listened to much Love Yous but hey! You need something fun to do! There’s been some very heavy news lately!

You, of course, are one of many who didn’t quite manage to get past the first 2 stages of crushing on Jet Star before the news of them dating Party Poison broke. Unlike everyone else, however, you’re one of the unluckier idiots who also happened to be into Party Poison. So yeah. You need something fun to do. So when some understudy tells you there’s a concert happening, of course your crew decides to drag you out there.

And because the Zones love nothing more than to delight at your misfortune, when you get far enough into the crowd of people gathered, lo and fucking behold there’s the very couple also here. On a date.

_Fuck_ , you should’ve taken that offer to go diving in the scrapyard.

* * *

  
  
  


Now, they’d much rather be at an AKA Loretta show, but let it not be said Party Poison doesn’t make sacrifices for their friends. Or, well, partner in this case. Poison knows Jet Star is a big Long Times fan, they’d caught him (it’s an any day) humming half their discography enough time - not to mention how Newsie (not gonna even think to call them Gogo at all, they’d know) always has at least one track on the list when Jet crashes on the Station floor for a few nights. Poison pays attention to their friends' favourites! Preferred music aside, Poison likes hanging out at events with their crewmates. Jet’s very much enjoying the music, and Poison is enjoying the envious looks and admiration thrown their way.

Which is, of course, when things get ridiculous. The Love Yous (okay, so, maybe Poison isn’t too clear on what part you shorten it to but Jet’ll tell them later. maybe) leave the stage and Mad Gear… Mad gear is on stage somehow. Thinking about how they got there hurts. But they’re there, and Mad Gear leans to the mic and Poison remembers something very important about Mad Gear’s discography - and a certain someone a few songs are about. Jet’s got her arm linked through Poison’s gently dragging them back out of the crowd in search of a drink, probably, and then the music starts and-

“I know we’re all here to forget it, but I gotta get it out the way. This first song is dedicated to you, Jet Star.”

When Poison looks at Jet Star, they just seem mildly confused.

* * *

“-ow for those of you who didn’t see the show last night, fuckin’ Mad Gear kicked the whole shebang off with a dedicated to that Jet Star song. Y’all know what song, even? Old Times hit called Take A Chance on me. Talk about shooting your shot, righ?”

Sometimes being the unlucky DJ on air morning after a concert fuckin’ rocks actually. You get to be the one to break _this_ news, to all the idiots (yourself excluded, of course) who didn’t go!

  
  


* * *

Jet Star refuses to think about this. Or anything. No thanks. All they want is to go to Gogo’s and nap while they broadcast and drag Poison with them. A little break. They need a quick getaway from being looked at for a few hours. Maybe they can get Fun Ghoul to help them find somewhere to set fire to.

* * *

  
Hot Chimp's personal space is being invaded by the local idiots, again, but seeing as Gogo did ask her she won't be too rude.... mostly. It's not that she doesn't like them, at this point they're also _her_ idiots but they make it hard to remember why she puts up with them (minus Fun Ghoul. She's got a soft spot for him, somehow). But they're here, and she put her irritation aside to try and flirt with Gogo for a while - though how successfully, she's not sure.

Just her luck though, that doesn't last as long as she'd like. Poison and her are alone, the others have left to go wandering or something. She’s sick of hearing about them and Jet Star though, and that’s probably what starts the whole stupid argument. Like, she knows they both hung out before dating obviously, but now that they are it just irritates her to hear about and nobody ever shuts up about it. How it reaches this point, she doesn’t know but-

“-sides, this must be _such_ an ego boost to you, having everyone talk about you and how lucky you are. Bet you’ve not been this wanted since the last firefight with some Dracs.”

Poison narrows their eyes. Seems she's hit a nerve. Good. But they lean forward.

"Y'know, Hot Chimp, you have so much to say about us but," they sneer "seems to me you're just desperate to distract from that you can barely start a relationship with Newsie 'cause of your own failings."

Hot Chimp opens her mouth to respond, but they keep talking

"Admit it, how many of these faults you say I got are actually _yours_?"

She freezes. That fucking city _bitch_ , she _HATES_ how they always seem to know so _much_ about her and she hates it (she hates that its true and how well they know her. she hates that it's not fair, for either of them. Most of all, she hates that they're right). She doesn’t have anything to say, can’t say anything in response. Once again, another argument to sweep out of sight of the others.

The two of them sit in a sullen silence, picking at each others ~~(at their own)~~ faults. It’s routine, it’s cruel, it’s the only way they really connect left by themselves. 

Soon, Party Poison slides over a bag of batteries. Hot Chimp passes back a comb. She won’t ever bring their arguments on air, and they won’t tell any of the truths they learn of her in their fights. She thinks she hates them, sometimes. She thinks that sometimes, out of all people, they care for her opinion the most.

The unspoken truce resettles back over them. They wait for the others to come back in.

* * *

Shiniest couple or not, mainly xe’s surprised xe didn't notice sooner. Xe means, if you _really_ think about it, wasn’t it kinda obvious? The two of ‘em were almost _always_ together, and everyone knows Party Poison gets along with Newsagogo and that’s, like, clearly a sign there was something going on if xe really thought about it. Alright, yeah, Newsagogo mentions most people who hang about with Jet Star the most but like Party Poison’s pretty high up on that list!

Clearly, out here the people don’t know how to pay enough attention to people like you learn to in the City. That’s got to be it. All those outings must be dates. That group is raising a child! So, they’re definitely really in love, in xeir view. 

Heartbreaking news for a good chunk of zonerunners out there, though.

* * *

The thing about gossip in the zones is that, if you aren’t either a DJ or an active runner, it’s often slow to get out to the people. Especially if you run a shop that's mostly stationary (about as much as it is in the zones) and it’s quiet hours. 

The few “assistants” are currently out - it’s a carrion day, stock is low and the newest lot aren’t settled proper yet so it's out vulturing they go. He can feel them moving across the Zones, shuffling through the aftermath of a ghosting for left behind memorabilia and anything useful. But all this means Tommy is, for the most part, alone in his shop. The Good Doctor has been and went, held up a line of “paying” customers for an hour purely to gossip. This is a somewhat regular occurrence. He moves around the items on the shelves, moves lost masks into spaces more eye catching for specific people.

Currently, the only ones in the store are just him and the little girl the Killjoys care for. The Kobra Kid swept through the Zone One entrance earlier, dropped her neatly on top an old jukebox next to the counter, nodding to Tommy as she said a quick goodbye to the Girl and swept back out the Zone Two entrance to where a group of children were waiting. He wonders where the other three are. At least two of them are gonna boost sales in here.

The little girl has climbed down during his musings, and he looks down to her tugging at the ends of his jacket. When he leans down to pick her up and settle her on his hip (she's a child! Tommy has a soft spot for all the zone kids. In another life, he'd be an uncle, probably) she looks around wide-eyed from her new perch. Much easier to keep an eye on her this way, Tommy thinks.

Tommy is then informed he doesn't have _nearly_ enough purple in here, which is apparently Jet's favourite colour. Ah, the wisdom of tiny children. Turning away from the now lit jukebox, he carries her to the storeroom. Might as well have the kid help him find stock that those Killjoys might buy, and he's definitely not going to let her take anything that catches her eye.

...He’ll let her borrow things, though. In return for some of her babbling being useful, of course. No other reason.

* * *

“-cause, as always, the two of them make a sweet picture, hey? So if you got anything sweet to have said on air why not send it in to Cherri Cola? He’ll have time to read out any pining some of you still need out of your system, free of charge.” 

Gogo would consider themself a master at their craft. Doctor Death _wishes_ he could spin a story the way they do. Despite the whole Jet-and-Poison thing mainly being a misunderstanding that’s spiralling well out of hand, they’ve not actually done any lying. Truly, repeating gossip and making sly comments does _wonders_ for the rumour mill.

Cherri’s bound to lose it over that last part but, well, everyone’s got to make sacrifices for a good time. This way they get to see all kinds of reactions _and_ hear Cherri inevitably storming out. Helping out friends _and_ inconveniencing your sibling, what more could they want?

  
  


* * *

  
  


In a space much closer to the City, or at least closest to the direct routes in and out, are a few gatherings of crews. According to the surveillance that actually works in that area they seem… quite emotional? Of course, this means they should be easier to pick off than their fellow rebels further out in the sands. 

Unfortunately for the patrol in question that heads out, no crew likes having some moments of commiseration interrupted. 

Fortunately for the crews in question, firing at exterminators makes for _great_ stress relief.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the last thing at least one of those dracs heard was "fuck off i'm mourning" before immediately getting shot  
> return of nesties patented unnamed ocs lmao

**Author's Note:**

> the zones are collectively applying face paint and clown noses


End file.
